A funny to pass the time

So a Cop friend was telling me this story.  Then I saw a shortened version online.  It made me laugh.  

A cop was interviewing a burglary they had arrested after they had gotten a panicked call from the burglary asking for assistance and an ambulance.

Cop:  So how did you end up in this mess.

Burglary:  I was breaking into the house you rescued me at.  I jimmied open the back door, slowly made my way through the kitchen making sure to sit out everything I was going to load up as I left.  I headed into the room I guessed was the living room.  I was figuring computers, TV stuff like that.   As I got in the room I heard:  "I can see you and so can Jesus."  I froze in place.

Cop:  Okay, so someone was in the room.  Did you see them?

Burglary:  Just bear with me, I am getting to that.  After a couple of minutes, I moved again and I heard the same thing again/  "I can see you and so can Jesus" /  Okay now I was getting very worried, I was not seeing anyone or anything in the room.  It was really dark in there so even the shadows were not very easy to make out differences.   Now understand I am a damn good burglary.  I have been doing this for years and have never even got a snift from you guys.   So I start backing up towards the doorway I had come through and the wall.

Cop:  So you did not see anyone or could not make out anyone in the darkness, correct?

Burglary:  Correct

Cop:  Yet someone was talking to you.

Burglary:  Not just someone, I am sure at this point it is a lady.  The voice was soft, kinds of sensual, and very kind sounding.    I was almost feeling guilty that I might have to harm her to get away.

Cop:  So you are sure at this point in the crimes ...

Burglary:  Alleged crime as nothing happened.

Cop:  ... that there is a female in the room with you?  No other sounds or noises?

Burglary:  No just the voice and stillness.  Anyway,  as I back up, the voice came again, even softer almost a whisper.  I can see you and so can Jesus"   Now I am not a very religious person but I am beginning to get a little worried in the darkness.   I even found myself crossing myself and I ain't even catholic.   I start feeling for the wall for a light switch figuring I am already caught so I want to see who the person is telling me the same thing over and over.

Cop:  So let me make sure I got this right/  You made it a couple of steps into a blacked-out room you think is the living room.  You hear a female voice that keeps saying the same thing.  You back up looking for the wall and a light switch figuring you are found out anyway.   Did the female voice ever sound threatening or aggressive or always soft and sensual as you stated.

Burglary:  Nope always soft and sensual.   I did find the light switch, I flipped it on and was staring face to face with an all-white cockatoo.   His crown thing fully opened and on display.  It looked right at me and Said in the same voice "I can see you and so can Jesus"   As God is my witness right now I am telling you I was relieved and started laughing.  I started walking towards the bird.  You know those birds are worth 2 or 3 thousand bucks.   

Well, that's when it got ugly.  

Cop:  How so?

Burglary:  The frikkin bird goes help me Jesus and echo help me Jesus and echo.   That's when I heard noises I did not want to hear - claws on the wood floor.  I turned around to see the two Rotties you help get me saved from.   Apparently, the dog's names are Jesus and Echo and they had been laying silently in the corner of the room.   Worse yet the frikkin bird kept cheering them on "Cath the bad guy catch the bad guy.   Now here is what I do not get.  Soon as it started talking about getting me the voice changed and sounded like a bird should.  Not when it was saying I can see you so can Jesus.  That was so weird.  

Cop:  (Laughing according to himself)  So the bird was saying it all along.  We spoke with the owner and she was out for the night.  She confirmed that the dogs are trained as silent guard dogs.   The bird all she did was chuckled.  

Once you are healed enough to be released you will be charged with destruction of property for the damage to the door and lock and since nothing was taken it will most like be attempted petty burglary.  That will be up to the DA, but you might get lucky, who knows.  The embarrassment of this being shared and reshared and I am sure ending up on social media may be enough punishment.

There is a moral here if you read it a couple of times and it is bordering on a parable.    I hope you enjoyed it.  I wish I could give the names and location but until the Police department comes out about it or someone else releases that I won't.